Emmy Martian continues her riff of the 1991 Dark Shadows revival movie pilot! Featuring: The world's first carpeted hospital! Now with even more real walking! Plus, more real doors! More real orange juice! And Lots of fake blood loss! And oh yeah, Barnabus finally shows his face and (Spoiler) graces us with even more antiquated house renovation tips!!!

Hold on to your canes, Emmy Martian's changed things up this time around! Join her as she riffs part one of the 1991 Dark Shadows reboot!! Starring Barbara Steele, Roy Thinnes, and Jim Henson's Joseph Gordon Levitt babies!!!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 221 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 220 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 219 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 218 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 217 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 216 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 215 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 214 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 213 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 212 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 211 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!

Miss Emmy Martian riffs on episode 210 of Dan Curtis’s gothic soap opera Dark Shadows!